One thing my dad has always been- is real. He’s the kind of person you can count on for honesty; because he understands how important it is to tell the truth.
Growing up, I didn’t appreciate his lessons as much as I do now. One lecture after the other, they would go through one ear and out the next. But I was only a kid then, I didn’t know how much his words would impact me and make me into the woman he, and myself, are so proud of today.
The most accurate representation I have to describe my relationship with my dad is the one portrayed on Hannah Montana between Miley and Billy. Even as a kid, I knew their bond was special and it was comforting to have that same one at home.
As a daughter, you look up to your dad from a young age. He’s your protector, your best friend, and your first love. My dad watched me grow for 20 years, but what he doesn’t realize is that I’ve watched him grow, too.
LESSON 001:
You’re never too old to grow, to learn, or shift directions.
My dad actively works towards being a better version of himself despite what he’s been through. His stories are his knowledge. His experiences are his inspiration. Even at 40-something, he is still evolving; as I will continue to do so for the entirety of my life, as will those reading this.
You may think you should have most things figured out by now. But as you move through life, your experiences change, your perceptions change, your goals shift. What makes you fulfilled now, may not fulfill you 2 years or even 10 years from now.
Our paths are not set in stone and there’s beauty in that. Beauty in change, beauty in the unknown. We fixate so much on where we want to be and not where we are- what we can do in this moment to feel satisfied; to feel okay.
You have to be open to finding yourself in the chaos. Stop worrying about what the meaning of life is and focus on what life means to you now.
LESSON 002:
It’s okay to not be liked.
You are not for everyone, and there’s nothing wrong with that. My dad knows who he is and he doesn’t apologize for it. He most certainly doesn’t try to conform who he is to be liked. He is loved by many, but to those who may not see him the way I, and so many others do, he doesn’t care.
I’ve experienced not being liked and I hated that feeling. “Why wouldn’t someone like me?” Instead of wondering this, I should’ve asked, “Why do I care?”
He’s taught me release. Release of people; allowing those who are not for you to walk away with their preconceived notions about you.. allowing yourself to walk away.
Being comfortable in who you are is important because you have to sit with yourself all the time- every second of every day. So be someone you love, not someone you think others will.
He says no unapologetically, and he stands firmly on his boundaries. Because of this, he attracts people who align with who he is. He can be himself in a room full of people without feeling the need to shrink. I’ve always loved how no matter who my dad was around, he was the same. He never puts on an act because, what’s the point? What do you gain by being fake?
How do you build a genuine connection by not being genuine?
LESSON 003:
Accountability and forgiveness.
It’s okay to mess up and make mistakes but take responsibility. He is not perfect, I am not perfect, you are not perfect.
We make decisions based on what we know at the time. What we’ve seen and what we perceive to be right or wrong sets the foundation for the way we act. The limited information you had on a situation 2 years ago grows as you continue to live- and experience life.
What makes sense to an older version of you won’t always make sense to the current version of you. And it’s okay for your beliefs, perceptions, and ideas to change. It’s normal to look back and think, “Why did I do that, why did I say that?”
The current version of you has evolved from who you once were. But a bad decision doesn’t make you a bad person. Just like you can forgive others; you can forgive yourself too. You can take a bad situation and transform it into a lesson that contributes positively to who you are today.
My dad is a completely different person than he was before he had me because of his ability to make mistakes, learn from them, and choose to not make them again.
His foundation isn’t just built upon ideologies and beliefs he’s had as a kid, but around the lessons he’s been able to take from that foundation.
LESSON 004:
Don’t stress over things you can’t control.
One of the reasons I always admired my dad is because no matter what happened, I knew he’d fix it. All he had to say was, “Don’t worry, I got it.” And he always did. But not because he was some super-being with magical powers, but because he allowed things to fall into place on their own.
As a kid, it was easier to believe that my dad was a superhero. But as an adult, I understand that all that worrying helped nothing. And once he told me “I got it” all that worry left my body because I trusted him. I was able to just be. I subconsciously let things I had no control over work themselves out with time because I put all of my trust into my dad; who then put all of his trust into God and the universe.
I remember a younger me thinking, “How does he do it?”
Adult me understands that I have to put that trust into myself. There will be many things in life that don’t go our way. We can waste time and energy dwelling on them, or we can accept that whatever happens, happens. Things flow as they are meant to. Patience is everything.
LESSON 005:
The game.
If my dad could have one wish, it’d be to completely hide me away from the dating world. But he’s always given me the tools to be smart about who I am in relationships as well as the quality of the person I’m with.
The main gem being people show you who they are. Through every heartbreak, I have my dads voice ringing in my ear, “Never give people a second chance to hurt you.”
I used to believe in potential. I used to believe in second chances. I still do, to an extent. But I also realize that most people genuinely do show you who they are from the beginning- and subconsciously we accept that by continuing to be with them.
He said, “The first time someone hurts you, that’s on them. But any time after that, it’s on you.” I heard this for the first time when I was in high school, and I thought it was the meanest thing he could’ve said! I see now that a lot of women fall into a pattern of blaming those who have done us wrong without holding ourselves accountable for the ways we let them repeatedly do us wrong.
While easier said than done, we are responsible for a lot of our own hurt. We give so much power to those we love- and with that power, we give them permission to put us in positions to be hurt. Being older, and having experienced a love that hurts, I understand that I have the power to not accept anything less than what I deserve. I see people for what they show me, not for what I believe they could be.
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My dad will likely never run out of lessons to teach me.. and these 5 definitely aren’t all of the ones he already has. But they are the main ones that sit with me every day. They are the main ones I am thankful for. I value how honest my dad has been with me, even when I couldn’t understand. I’m sure he whispered these lessons into my ear as a baby because my dad loves to talk. But his words always mean something.
Part of my gift comes from him. My passion for writing and inspiring is driven by how open my dad has always been with me. That’s why today’s post has been dedicated to him and all he’s done for me. A dad’s love for his daughter is powerful, but so is a daughters love for her dad.
Many people think I’m like my mom, and I am on the surface. But I’ve always believed I was more like my dad when it came to who I was inside. My mindset is so strong today because of things he’s instilled in me from such a young age, and for that, I am forever grateful for him.
Happy Father’s Day!
