Navigating what’s right, wrong, destructive, or helpful is like a maze. A maze full of confusion, setbacks, moments of triumph, soon followed by moments of despair. It has to be; we weren’t given instructions on how to live, we were just told to go.. with the hope that we continue learning, growing, and evolving until we are the best.
Have we ever taken the time to consider that the “best version of ourselves” is a fixation; some could even say fantasy? We don’t know the version of ourselves we’re rushing to be- because we haven’t experienced half of the things that will build that person. We’re too focused on the product than the process. The one that’s happening here, in the present. There’s an ongoing idea that we’ll be happy elsewhere, that after a series of events we’ll be magically transformed; we’ll find peace. Once we correct this, stop doing that, start doing this… Peace is within you, always- it’s not something you can find.
That “best” version of yourself you think is waiting for you up on the highest hill ready to take away all your pain and suffering… doesn’t exist. No one’s there. Because no matter how you spin it, that person is still you- it needs to be catered to. And to build a better version of yourself, your focus has to be on the version that’s real, not the one that’s fantasized. A beautiful life isn’t built from focusing on what we can’t control, it’s built from what we can.
Envisioning who you want to be creates a guideline, it shows your wants, needs, and desires… you then use that guideline to create that person. The guideline isn’t the problem, it’s the obsession with wanting without doing. When we become consumed by the future and all it’ll bring, we start to dissociate. Dissociation is a mental process where a person disconnects from their thoughts, feelings, memories or sense of identity. It prevents us from evolving, because in order to evolve we need to be connected to the things that make us, us. We cannot write our story without first being a character in it. A character that is present, connected, and experiencing…
You build that person by being. You want to be someone that’s consistent, disciplined, and honest? Be consistent, disciplined, and honest. If the best version of yourself reads, the present you has to read. If they’re a writer, you have to write. Talking about all the things you want in life and everything you want to be means nothing if there’s no action behind it. Manifestation and affirmations can only do so much of the work. There shouldn’t be a, “Once I start doing this…” there needs to be a, “I’m doing this now.” Your dream life is defined by your daily routine; what matters is how you spend your time now.
You want to be someone who’s educated yet you don’t take the time to educate yourself? You want to be someone with boundaries yet choke up at the thought of saying no? Unless you’re putting in the work now, in this reality, then you are living in a fantasy. And the best version of yourself will remain just that; a phantom of your imagination.
Discipline. You’ll get nowhere without it. It doesn’t matter how much you want something, you’re not always going to feel like doing the work. That’s human nature. Sometimes we lack the grit or motivation to get things done. But discipline means working anyways because you know you have to- even when you don’t feel like it. Because doing that puts you closer to your best.
Compromise. You want to read but everything in you is saying “I don’t feel like it.” Scrolling through social media sounds more appealing, but it’s truly not. It’s about doing something. We can’t give 100% everyday, sometimes our max is 10. You can’t read a chapter, read a page. Don’t do nothing.
We build habits, consistency, and discipline today, because without today there is no future. There won’t be another version of you. So, what’s the rush to live in the future? Do the work as if the action is the destination- because it kind of is.
The wellness community pushes the narrative that everything we do should be in favor of the “best” version of ourselves. But human nature cannot thrive in a space that’s so restricting. Yes, you want to continue growing, learning, evolving- standing still is the worst thing you can do in a world that’s constantly revolving. But the pressure that comes with being the best stunts us more than it helps us. It disconnects us.
Why?
Because we’re not supposed to be the best all the time. We’re supposed to make mistakes, learn from them, then make the same mistakes again- until it sticks. We’re supposed to feel good, then bad, then worse, then great, then just okay. It fluctuates. We fluctuate.
It’s easy to associate healing with good, but healing looks like falling apart, putting yourself back together, then falling apart again. It’s thinking you learned your lesson, just to find out you didn’t; thinking you’ve outgrown something just to go back to it. When they say healing is not linear- they mean it. Because regardless of what you know, you have to want more… and wanting is only the first step- made dormant if practiced alone.
This is to say that many of us know right from wrong, but we can sometimes still choose the wrong. You will be presented with the same lesson until you learn. And you learn at your own pace. The idea that we need to constantly be the “best” and the idea that we need to make mistakes to learn do not co-exist if being the “best” means being perfect.
Here’s where you have to define what being the best means to you. It will probably change as you do, which is why you can’t think so far ahead into the unknown. The best version of yourself will look different everyday dependent on what you do- not what you want.
Things will not come into fruition for you if you continue to focus too much on what you want and not what you need to do to get there. Be mindful of the process. It’s the most important part.
