Lack of accountability has always been a trigger for me. Growing up with emotionally immature parents, I was raised bigger. I was taught to forgive and forget with no apology; to excuse and validate behaviors I didn’t understand.
“They’re your parents, you have to forgive them. You’re supposed to love them, no matter what. They can tear you down, make you feel less than, destroy your beliefs, alter your perception, and you must forgive. That is your family. You have to forgive them.”
These ideologies were planted into me at a young age and thus been watered by false diction and manipulation. As a kid, I knew it wasn’t right. Something was off. Every issue, every hidden trauma, swept under the rug and forgotten- because at a certain point, we’d normalized it. We’d conditioned ourselves to believe that it doesn’t matter what is said or done to us, because the only thing that matters is that they are our family. Accountability did not exist.
I’m older now. I no longer believe in excuses. I no longer believe in the normalization of hurt disguised as love. There are some things you don’t do. Some things you don’t say. Some things that cannot be normalized, excused, or forgiven. I will not give the benefit of the doubt because “That’s how they are. That’s how they’ve always been.” Because familiarity does not make it right.
I was small, raised bigger, and now I’m bigger asking questions in an attempt to break the cycle.
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We love to point fingers, rewrite the story, and cast ourselves as the misunderstood hero. But every now and then, the mirror starts asking questions we can’t dodge. What if the common denominator in all the chaos… is you?
Self-reflection isn’t always pretty, but it’s where the real growth lives. Accountability doesn’t mean beating yourself up, it means getting honest. Owning your patterns. Questioning your triggers. And realizing that healing isn’t just about blaming the past, but taking responsibility for the present. Not every tower you’re stuck in was built by someone else. Brick by emotional brick. And while it’s easy to blame the dragon for the chaos, it hits different when you realize you handed it the map. You want the fairytale ending, but keep skipping the part where the princess has to actually do the work. Even Cinderella had to clean a few floors before the glass slipper moment. And that mirror you keep side-eyeing? It’s not showing the evil queen—it’s showing you, unfiltered.
This isn’t about shame; it’s about owning your role in the story. Because at some point, the most royal thing you can do is stop playing the victim in your own kingdom and start ruling it. So yeah, mirror mirror on the wall, it’s time we had a talk.
It took me a while to figure out I was the problem. Now, I wasn’t a menace to society. But I definitely had faults in areas I chose to be blind to. But news flash… we’re all the villain in someone’s story- even our own.
When do you sit back and ask the question, “What have I done to contribute to my own pain and suffering?” I mean, you can’t always be in the right… right? Things can’t always just be happening to you for no reason. Especially in cases where you seem to be in similar situations constantly. Belle fell in love with the beast, but at least she acknowledged he was one.
The toxic relationship cycles; are you “unlucky in love,” or are there are unresolved patterns you’re bringing into each connection? The “I’m so lonely” paired with the hyper-independence. You’re the goal-setter who never finishes; are you addicted to motivation but allergic to discipline? The no one checks on me yet never checks up on anyone. Are you expecting what you don’t put out?
I’ve had my fair share of wrong-doings. I’m no saint. And truth be told, I am terrible at taking criticism. Everything just automatically translates to you hate me and think I’m the most horrid person in the universe. But hey, mirror mirror on the wall… I need to work through that. Accountability and personal responsibility play massive parts in our lives. Realizing the negative role you sometimes play can be hard, eye opening, and the start of yet another identity crisis. But just because you’ve got some things to work on, doesn’t necessarily make you a villain.
Self-accountability is the plot twist no one sees coming, but it’s the one that changes everything. You can cast yourself as the misunderstood protagonist, and blame bad timing, toxic people, or retrograde planets for the mess. But growth? Real growth starts when you stop outsourcing your chaos and start asking, “Okay… but what was my part in this?”
Responsibility isn’t punishment, it’s power. It’s realizing you’re not just a character in the story, you’re the author. And yes, that means rewriting some chapters, admitting when you’ve been the storm, and learning how to clean up your own emotional mess without dragging everyone else through the debris. The moment you own your role is the moment you stop waiting for someone else to save you- and start saving yourself.
Getting comfortable with personal responsibility is kind of like realizing your phone’s been on Do Not Disturb, and you were the one who turned it on. It starts with baby steps- less blame, more curiosity. Instead of spiraling into guilt or playing the victim, analyze yourself. Accountability isn’t about self-punishment; it’s about self-leadership. It’s admitting you sent the risky text, ignored the red flag, stayed too long, wronged that person, or ghosted your own potential. It stings at first, sure, but over time, it becomes freeing. Because when you realize you’re not helpless, you’re just human, you stop running from the mirror and start using it as a map.
The real glow-up isn’t aesthetic, it’s emotional accountability. It’s being able to look yourself in the mirror to call yourself out with love. Not everything that goes wrong is your fault, but if you’re the only common thread, it’s worth a closer look. The real magic isn’t in being perfect, it’s in being self-aware enough to pivot. To unlearn. To apologize. To do better without being asked. Holding yourself accountable is the most underrated form of self-respect. So no, you’re not the villain. But maybe you’re not always the hero either. And that’s okay. What matters is that you’re still in the story; rewriting, reworking, and showing up anyway. Because nothing changes if you don’t own your pen.
