“Sometimes the way light enters us is through the wound.”
It’s easier to accept a bad situation for what we see on the surface- a bad situation. It’s harder to look beyond the chaos and find the peace; to find the purpose behind the tears.
When we lose people, the only thing we’re left with is the memory, the experience. To subject a person to an experience is not to say they meant nothing. In order to be hurt by someone, there’s a certain degree of love you had to have for them too. And while there may be an overpowering feeling of regret and resentment, there is wisdom and grace beyond that.
When the anger settles and the cries turn into silence, you’re forced to sit with things left unsaid; to answer questions you never got to ask and accept the answers you did. You have to give yourself meaning, which is a reminder that you are in control.
You must be able to lean into acceptance. The idea of delusion doesn’t come from lack of self-awareness, it comes from the fear of accepting reality. We can accept that loss is inevitable, and most people are temporary… or we can believe that we have the power to change people; that potential is something worth seeking. The reality of it all though, is that people show you who they are and what they’re capable of. The answers to the never-ending questions are there, we just refuse to see them- to accept them.
To accept allows us to forgive, and forgiveness allows us to be grateful. Forgiveness is up to your perception; but for me, forgiveness simply means that I accept the situation for what it is, and I don’t need to waste any more time and energy trying to figure out the “why?” Because the “why” doesn’t change the outcome. It means I’m over taking up space within myself contemplating things others have done. I’m letting go of the person and taking the lessons from the experience.
In healing from hurtful relationships, we realize we want more, so we choose more. Instead of dwelling on what we didn’t deserve, we figure out what we do deserve. What you accept is more important than what you say you want. It requires an immense level of honesty to realize how much we participated in our own suffering by allowing others to define our worth; to come to terms with the fact that we accepted a love that destroyed us.
We accept the love we think we deserve.
The love we seek is the love we lack within ourselves. Some of the most important people in our lives hurt us to the point of a breakthrough. And that’s their purpose. To act as a teacher, not a lifelong companion.
“In feeling hopeless, you learn to take care of yourself. In feeling used, you recognize your worth. In being abused, you develop compassion. In feeling stuck, you accept there is always a choice. In accepting what was done to you, you realize that nobody has control over you.” – Brianna Weist, 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think.
While you may think the only thing someone’s left you with is a broken heart, trust issues, etc. ask yourself what you learned, what hard truths you were presented with, and how that’s contributed to who you are today. The experience is what builds and shapes you beyond the pain. You have to understand why something needed to happen to truly be grateful for it.
So, while you’re talking about everything that went wrong, save some space for all the things that went right beyond them- because of them. The self-respect, love, and value you now hold for yourself- that you didn’t know you lacked to begin with. The fact that an earlier version of you thought loss was the worst thing that could happen, but you grew beyond that pain and turned it into beauty, gratitude, and love.
Once you stop taking life so seriously, you realize that life isn’t that serious. We are living in a world where we are supposed to be experiencing the good, the bad, the beauty, the ugly; which is why the only thing we can do is be present. Life is full of love, loss, and learning. You can evolve or you can sit in your misery, but you’ll miss out on some pretty amazing things if you can’t shift your focus from things that no longer serve you. You have to trust that things work out as they’re supposed to, find the reason, accept it.
Practice releasing, forgiving, and growing. It’s the obvious answer.
