Your life, your rules.
Lots of people believe that you are in control of your life. That your life is your responsibility and everything that happens is because of you.
These people are correct.
I used to think this concept was just one of those general sayings that’d been around forever. The second something happened that didn’t align with what I wanted; I called bullshit on the “You are responsible!” phenomenon.
“This happened to me, not because of me.”
Life is unfair, yeah basic, that’s no surprise to anyone. I used that as a crutch for when things didn’t go my way; an excuse to not take responsibility.
To fully grasp and understand the concept of things happening because of me, I thought of it in a general sense.
I’m being disrespected at work. I can leave or I can stay. That choice is mine.
A friend betrayed me. I can continue being their friend and let it slide, or I can enforce a boundary and say, “I don’t want you in my life anymore.”
Whatever we decide, we have to prepare for what happens because of that decision.
Let’s say in this friendship scenario, I decide to forgive and forget.
One of two things could happen. One, they truly change for the better and we go on to be the best of friends. Two, they screw me over again and I’m back at square one. I’m pissed, obviously. But not because they simply don’t respect me, but because they showed me they didn’t respect me and I allowed them to do it again.
My father told me once that someone can hurt you, disrespect you, or worse. You can forgive them and hope they learn from their mistakes- which sometimes they do. You can decide once is enough. One and done, just like that. OR, you forgive them, and they just do it again. He says in this instance, it’s not their fault anymore, it’s yours.
I thought, “Nope, still their fault.” Because why wouldn’t it be? They’re doing it to me.
He goes, “They showed you what they’re capable of doing. Be upset the first time, but the next time don’t be upset with them. Be upset with yourself.”
You had the choice to shut it down the first time. You didn’t. You let them back in. You letting them back in allowed them the opportunity to screw you over again. You allowed them to take advantage of you.
Hear the repetition? You, you, you.
This is similar to the saying, “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.” Same concept.
I used this example to show that while we weren’t responsible for the initial occurrence of being hurt and disrespected, we were given the chance to lead in our lives and make the decision that would determine that future.
Of course, terms and conditions apply because life is more complex than a multiple-choice test. Making decisions is vital because everything counts. Every little thing changes the trajectory of your life.
Now that I’ve covered what I mean by you are the leader of your life, let’s talk about leading in terms of success.
First, how do you define success? When you think, “I want to be successful”, what does that mean?
Not everyone knows the exact step by step plan for their life, but more or less we have a general idea of where we want to be and who we want to be.
Now, you can’t just wake up one day and boom, you’re transformed! You have everything you want and you’re exactly who you want to be.
Success is hard work. But not just the type of hard work that’s shown on paper… like 5-time spelling bee champion or ten college degrees. It’s more than being smart and having a lengthy resume. You can be the smartest person in the world and still not be where you want to be. Sounds like a scam, right?
Success requires self-discipline; the ability to pursue what one thinks is right despite temptations to abandon it.
EXAMPLE: You know staying up late means you won’t be up in time for work since you’re a heavy sleeper and 9/10 will not hear your alarm. But you stayed up until 4 in the morning binging an entire season on Netflix anyway… after all, you’d waited a whole year for it..
However, you had a big presentation at work- one that you worked on for months because it could make or break your career. You missed it and because you missed it, you got fired. You’re the best person in the office, no one’s resume can top yours, but because you lacked self-discipline in that one instance, all that hard work doesn’t really mean anything.
You chose a Netflix show over your career. In the moment, it seemed harmless, but the aftermath shows that it was a mistake.
This isn’t only an example of how lack of self-discipline can affect you negatively, but also how corporations really don’t care about you, which is also a great lesson to learn.
Back to the point, self-discipline is a key part of success. Being able to tell yourself no, telling yourself yes, and listening. The ideal life that you want isn’t going to be curated in the snap of a finger.
Like you want to be a morning person, but you’ve been sleeping in until 2:00 in the afternoon for 10 years. Telling yourself, “I’m going to sleep early.” And then not hitting snooze when it goes off in the morning is self-discipline.
You’re holding off on tasks because you don’t want to do them, but you need to do them. Saying, “I’m going to do this right now,” and then actually doing it right now is self-discipline.
That’s going to set you closer to turning those dreams into reality.
So success.. hard work, self-discipline,
And intention.
Everything you do should be done with intention. You’re finishing an assignment with the intention of getting an A. That drives you to complete the assignment correctly. You’re going to a job interview with the intention of making money. That drives you to have the best interview of your life.
Everything has purpose.
Live intentionally; live according to your values and beliefs.
You literally create the life you want to live.
Success, self-discipline, intention- it all starts with you leading. With you making those choices, putting those thoughts to actions, validating those dreams through hard work. Self-discipline and intention is hard work!
And what does and doesn’t happen, is determined by those little things. By you not hitting snooze on that alarm, by you showing up when the last thing you want to do is show up, those little things are paving the way to success.
LEAD YOUR LIFE.
DEFINE YOUR SUCCESS.
You are responsible. Your decisions are yours.
So, make the right ones.